I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
