I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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