wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
