I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
