Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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