I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
