the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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