she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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