Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
