She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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