I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
