Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
