A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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