I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
