GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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