After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
