i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
