I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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