can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
