He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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