Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You ruined the universe
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
