I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
