I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
