Yo dont text me then not text me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
