What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
