he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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