I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
