Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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