Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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