You're so nebulous sometimes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
