I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize