look no pants
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
