you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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