she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
