I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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