Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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