I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
