Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
