If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
