I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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