When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
