she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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