Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
