after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
