don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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