maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
