You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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