Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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