Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
