Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
