he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
