why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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