so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
