her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
