look no pants
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
