wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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