Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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