A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
