He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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