I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
