So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
