fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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