Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
