Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
