She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
