Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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