I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
