4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
