I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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