if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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