I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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