You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
