Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
