Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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