i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
