yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lo siento on account of my penis...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
