GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
