My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize