please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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