my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
