just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
