I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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