He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
